For every openly queer faculty member I know in STEM (I think that number might be two), I know n>1 who aren’t openly queer. Some are out to other faculty or the members of their research group. Some aren’t explicitly out to their groups but have same-sex partners who are always at group parties (seriously?). And many give the reason that it’s not professionally relevant. Your last sentence is key: “I don’t think they realize how many of us younger scientists are looking
around, not finding any queer role models, and thinking that we should
probably find a different field.”