I had a few hours last night before bed without a migraine. I wanted so badly to stay up and take advantage of the time I was feeling well. But I didn’t – I kept my strict migraine-preventing sleep schedule. Or at least I tried to. 

Yesterday was the first day in weeks that I’d had any time completely migraine free. No prodromal mood swings, cravings, and sensory sensitivity, no postdromal brain fog and leaden depression. I felt so good. I could think clearly and organize my thoughts effortlessly. I felt calm and motivated.

But I couldn’t sleep when it was time for bed. I took my round of nightly drugs, which normally send me straight to sleep, but I lay there wide-awake. I meditated, I read, I took some melatonin, I had a cup of soothing tea. Then it was 2 AM.

Today I have another migraine.

Maybe the attack would be worse if I’d stayed up working instead of trying to rest. After all, I’m dictating this post to my iPad instead of clutching the toilet bowl. But sometimes it feels like every choice I make managing my illness is the wrong choice.