I shared a chart of my recent migraines with you all the other day under a singularly depressing title. When I woke up this morning yet again feeling like vomiting, “everything will be terrible forever” seemed like an even more appropriate description for my migraine log than it did last week. However, as overwhelming and awful as being chronically ill can be, I feel like last week’s chart left out some rather important data. I’ve corrected that oversight in the graph below:

Yes, I’m getting more migraines than I want to.  But as long as I’m getting migraines, it’ll be more than I’d like. And not so long ago, the colors on this chart would have been reversed. Maybe lovely years like my first in Epiphyte City will be the exception rather than the rule, but things are still pretty darn good relative to 4 years ago.

Yes, migraines are slowing down my PhD. This is really stressful, but only when I’m thinking about my advisor being disappointed or my long term career. But I am still working, slowly and when I just sit down and work, I take great pleasure in what I’m doing. So I might not be a fantastic grad student, but I like what I do and it’s going to be interesting and useful to other people – it just might take me a while longer or be smaller than I’d hoped. And isn’t that true for all grad students?

Yes, I don’t get to spend as much time with the people I love as I would like. But when I do spend time with my friends and partners, it is wonderful. And I have people in my life who spend good time with me no matter how I feel.

I’m still really sad about and frightened by my migraines, but I have to remind myself that my life isn’t as awful as it seems when I’m in the middle of one.

So I’m going to tell my supervisor Wednesday that the migraine medicine that looked like it was working had some problematic side effects.¹ After blundering through a bit of work during a migraine hangover today, I decided to do a bit of research on the latest and greatest in migraine treatments.

The first bridges the gulf between your latest bit of Star Trek cosplay, a medical device, and that most indispensable of fashion accessories – the tiara.  Unlike a normal tiara, which just sits there sparkling, this one connects you to the borg applies a wee bit of electricity to the trigeminal nerve. Just what I’ve always wanted!

If you’re not into wearing a tiara all day, you can try applying this giant electromagnet to your brain. It also goes well with the giant purse trend and looks like it builds upper body strength. I actually really want to try one.

If that seems a bit too hands on, you can also give your s.o. the remote control for the electrode your doctor has implanted in your head.

Other potential remedies include snorting special k.

^{1. I’m still on the fence about whether to tell her about the stroke + heart attack symptoms that prompted the immediate nixing of those meds.}

And February isn’t even over yet.

When you consider the fact that it takes a day or two for me to really get back to normal after a migraine, is it any wonder my proposal feels like it’s three million years away from being finished?

Time to start spending more quality time at the doctor’s. And I guess I’d better pare down my life and commitments to migraine levels. Goodbye swing dancing, social life, side projects!