Why did you write that paper?

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Some choice quotes from Peter Lawrence in PLOS Biology.

On productivity

[N]o longer are communication and record the primary purposes of publishing; instead, we now use papers as tokens to get jobs and funding.

On impact metrics

[O]nly false objectivity is offered by evaluating real people using unreal calculations with numbers of papers, citations, and journal impact factors. These calculations have not only demoralised and demotivated the scientific community, they have also redirected our research and vitiated its purpose.

On large lab groups

The peculiar demands of our granting system have favoured an upper class of skilled scientists who know how to raise money for a big group. They have mastered a glass bead game that rewards not only quality and honesty, but also salesmanship and networking. A large group is the secret because applications are currently judged in a way that makes it almost immaterial how many of that group fail, so long as two or three do well. Data from these successful underlings can be cleverly packaged to produce a flow of papers—essential to generate an overlapping portfolio of grants to avoid gaps in funding.

Making it worse

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I think my migraine meds are making me sicker. I started amitriptyline in December and quit it at the end of February when going up to a dose they commonly give children resulted in half my body going numb and feeling like my heart was being squeezed by a very angry giant. I started a related drug that tends to be nicer (nortriptyline) at the beginning of March.

a few months of migraines

I’ve wanted to stop taking it for awhile because of some side effects, but also because it clearly isn’t helping my migraines and looks like it may be making them worse. Aside from barometric pressure changes, screwing with my sleep is the surest way to give me a migraine. Nortriptyline makes me drowsy after I take it, but also makes it hard for me to sleep. And I’m exhausted when I wake up in the morning. I think this is making my migraines worse. Regardless, it makes me unproductive even when I don’t have a migraine.

When tricyclic antidepressants like nortriptyline are used for migraine, their effects take awhile to kick in. The rule of thumb for preventative migraine meds is to wait three months to six months before making a decision. If these meds helped, I could expect 1 to 2 fewer migraines a month. Even if I am in the lucky group of people these meds help, the side-effects and side-effect induced migraines overwhelm any potential benefit. (While side effects typically decrease with time, mine have been getting worse.)

I’ve scheduled three appointments with my doctor to talk about stopping the meds. I’ve had to cancel all three because of migraines.

I can’t wait for my next appointment 6 weeks from now to stop nortriptyline. Stopping these meds all at once seems to be a bad idea, so I’ll slowly taper off over the next few weeks. My doctor had me stop amitriptyline all at once. That led to a week long headache that triggered 3 migraines and I felt terribly anxious and upset. Hopefully stepping down slowly with nortriptyline will be easier.

Wish me luck!

When all your paychecks are surprises

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I get three paychecks a year, but the timing of those paychecks is not consistent. In the past, the office that handles this sort of thing posted the expected date I’d get paid at least a month in advance (though that wasn’t a guarantee). I got a little nervous recently when I noticed that, while I expect my paycheck in the next 2 weeks, the only thing that shows up on my university financials is a ginormous tuition bill. So I asked the office when I should expect my paycheck.

Instead of giving me a date, they told me they’d post the expected date within the next two weeks and acted like I was both stupid and an enormous pain in the ass for asking.

Because of some shenanigans with changing roommates, I have to shell out an amount almost exactly equivalent to all the current wiggle room in my budget  in the next two weeks. Knowing that I’ll be getting that money back by mid-May is comforting, but doesn’t help me make ends meet between now and then.

I kind of hate the people who handle grad student awards at my university.