Rule-breaker

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On Saturday, I finished a major task two whole days before the deadline. And while the length of my to-do list is still so long that I have to remind myself to breathe every time I unfold it, I decided that I would take Sunday off. So instead of muddling through a problem set or reading papers, I cooked a fancy dinner and played board games with my roommate (J) and his girlfriend (C). I made a turkey for the first time (resounding success), learned from C that English breakfast tea is better with whipped cream, got my ass kicked at Settlers of Catan by J (damned robber on my 6 the whole game!), learned how to play Tigris and Euphrates then promptly demolished J & C, had a seriously funny (funnily serious?) argument about mashed potato classification, and in general had an awesome day. I went to bed more relaxed and happier than I’ve been in weeks.

But I went to bed 2 hours later than usual. We were partway through Tigris and Euphrates when my alarm went off, reminding me that my inflexible bedtime was fast approaching. I switched off the alarm, intending to play for another half hour and call it a night. But the game was fun and the company funny and I lost track of time. So instead of having a quick breakfast at 6am while skimming some reading for class, I was inching across the kitchen weighing the energy benefits of a piece of toast versus the risk of vomiting. Instead of catching the bus at 7am, I was rubbing tiger balm into neck muscles seizing from the pain in my skull. Instead of having the confusing reading made clear in class at 9am, I was sitting on the kitchen floor, room spinning, after getting overambitious and trying to unload the dishwasher.

I’m angry because my fun day resulted in an awful today and a difficult rest of the week. I feel guilty because I could have prevented this so easily.

Arguing with the mathematical ‘we’

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I can tell I’ve been working on something too long when I start arguing with the mathematical we. You may be wondering, “What (or who) exactly is the mathematical we?” Consider the following for illustrative examples:

Hence, from Equation (4.4) we see that P ~ 1/?n

Or

It is quite intuitive that the limiting probabilities for this Markov chain should just be p,q, and r. To verify this we must show that they satisfy Equation (4.7)

(Another sign I’ve been working too long – writing things like “Consider the following for illustrative examples” with a straight face.)

These mathematicians are clearly trying to make me feel more included. And in the beginning, perhaps I do join them in the slog from equation 4.4 to 4.7. But after awhile, every time I see a we, I begin an imaginary argument, like

Mathematician: We see that…
Me: No, we don’t. You’re not making any sense. Don’t try to sneak that combinatorial identity by me like it’s nothing.

Or

Mathematician: Let’s assume there are n blue balls…
Me: Do you even hear yourself? I’m not assuming anything about blue balls. Can we use some other color that leads to less snickering?  Honestly, I’m pretty sick of talking about balls in general. Can we switch to marbles or skittles or kittens?

Or

Mathematician: So let us consider state 0 and attempt to determine if P is finite or infinite
Me: What? All we ever talk about is state 0. Can’t we branch out a little and start at 1?

Flattr helps little blogs, too

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Have you ever noticed the Flattr buttons on this blog? Clicking on one of those is like tossing your change in the tip jar. You might think that it’s silly to use Flattr on a blog like mine (my readers are loyal, but few), but the small tips really add up. Despite the fact that I average less than a hundred page views a day, I still received enough in donations via Flattr to pay for 4 months of hosting costs last year.

So I want to say thank you to all the people who’ve Flattred my blog or individual posts in the last year.

If you don’t use Flattr, I think you should start. If you blog or write software or make music or take pictures or even if you just tweet a lot, you can probably make enough with Flattr to at least get another cup of coffee. And if you want to support writers and artists and programmers who do things you love, you can almost certainly flattr them, even if they haven’t signed up yet. I just flattred Hadley Wickham because he writes fucking awesome R packages like reshape and ggplot2 with outstanding documentation.

New Year’s Resolutions: rinse and repeat

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New Year’s resolutions, heck, any change in (good) habits is hard, even when I’m doing something I really enjoy.

Last year I resolved to keep studying Russian – to make it a part of my life in a way that would result in me speaking Russian with a “reasonable level of competency.” I didn’t do that well. Instead of making learning Russian part of my daily routine, it ended up being more of a bimonthly routine. And despite the optimistic tone here,

I’ll start watching movies and TV shows in Russian right away to get a better feel for the language.  In a few months, I’ll start reading a book I’ve read in English in Russian.  I’m thinking Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone– I’d learn lots of fun vocabulary like ‘cauldron’ and ‘wizard.’  And I’ll try to find someone to practice with.

I didn’t do any of those things. But I’m not going to call last year’s resolution a failure and give up!

While I didn’t study as often as I’d hoped, I did study regularly. I didn’t make as much progress as I wanted to, but I am substantially better than I was a year ago.

I still want to speak and read Russian well, but making it part of my daily routine is pretty hard. Based on my experience last year and the looming specter of my thesis proposal, I’m going to increase my studying from twice a month to twice a week. Instead of doing everything I listed last year (movies, TV, reading, etc), I’m going to focus on watching movies I’ve seen in English in Russian. Since this is fun, easy, and relaxing, I think it will help keep me motivated. Plus, I watch movies to give my brain a little rest already, so it won’t feel like something extra.

When you’ve made lasting changes in your life or committed to some sort of long term activity, how long did it take you before it felt effortless – like a habit?